This mild weather is some confusing for birds and plants. And humans it seems. Take today. I was certain it must be April not December. Someone with a nasty and malicious sense of humour has to be playing an April Fool’s joke on me.
First, I hear that John Pollard, Cornwall Council’s revered Leader, has been voted the 24th most influential person in local government. This is glossed in the Cornwall Council press release, which positively oozes with oily idolatry, as the 24th ‘most powerful’. That’s as in ‘powerless to do anything to create a genuinely sustainable Cornwall’. Presumably, they’ve found some means of cloning John so that the ballot box can be well and truly stuffed (along with the rest of us).
Then, I read the frankly ludicrous and incredible news that, following this accolade for the Great Leader, Cornwall Council is one of five local authorities in the running to be named ‘National [sic] Council of the year’ by the Local Government Chronicle. This is because of its ‘level of excellence’, not to mention ‘the most learning’ it’s able to offer other benighted councils. One wonders what the hell the others can be like! And what the Local Government Chronicle journos must be on.
The Great Leader is reported as saying that the Council has ‘worked hard … to tackle the challenges created by a changing and growing population’. This was presumably a slip for ‘worked hard … to encourage a changing and growing population’. He then had the gall to claim the credit for securing ‘minority status for the Cornish people’. The omission of ‘national’ in front of ‘minority’ here may be significant.
I must have misread this. Surely they mean Cornwall, Ontario, not Cornwall, the wagging tail of England. No? What next? Bert Biscoe as special adviser to the Minister for Transport?
Am I inhabiting some sort of parallel universe? Or just having a bad dream?